Spirituality is Simple, we Complicate it!
The spirituality that has been obsessessed over in my mind, was always a complication, an analysis of philosophies. It was an ego trick that said, "Look how sophisticated my way of thinking is! Look how superior my mind is!"
My cycling thoughts are fading into quiet and simplicity. As this goes on, the sense of self continues to fade. It is not the pure bliss that I used to think would accompany the spiritual way of life. That was always something in the future, out of reach, a fantasy.
The practice has been the constant effort of focusing here and now throughout the day and finding inner peace and comfort with what is. This calmness arises from the practice and persistence. It takes less effort, becoming more natural as I move throughout the day.
I tried too long, wasting effort at pushing away or hiding the deep negativity that arose to the surface of my consciousness. The negative is only when judged as such. It grows stronger when it is denied and hidden.
It takes less of a hold on the "me" that was never there. Conflicting parts of the self come together to fall away in this quiet. It's like matter and anti-matter mutually annihilating. Massive energy is freed.
The boundaries between me and environment, me and you continue to fall away. It was all in my head! Endless judgements, arrogance, blame, self-pity all kept me apart and falsely isolated. Only a me, a strong self is able to be isolated and suffer.
It takes a me to be miserable. Don't overlook this. The ego is usually in control and discounts this. The ego throws it away since it is fatal to it. The ego is the self that we never were.
Spiritual teachers point at the wholeness we always were embedded within. We are continuous with all that is, not separate from anything. This is true on the levels of energy, physics, chemistry, and biology. The evidence melts us.
Our deep beliefs and assumptions of our own fracturing were never true. We can all look within and accept ourselves in our totality. "You" deserve it!